5 Thoughts on Emotional Neglect in Childhood in the Context of Immigrant Family

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The word neglect often can sound alarming and thoughts of serious case reviews of young children being found dead by neglectful parents might be the first to spring to mind. however, in this instance the aim is to understand how children of immigrant parents, understand, dissect and evolve in the world of emotional knowledge and intelligence when parents are not able to nurture this.

1. Emotional neglect vs. Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is more commonly known which define as “any type of abuse that involves the continual emotional mistreatment of a child. It's sometimes called psychological abuse. Emotional abuse can involve deliberately trying to scare, humiliate, isolate or ignore a child” by the NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children). Emotional neglect, on the other hand, is the inaction of attending to, attending to, responding to and acknowledging and validating emotions.

Within some communities both can be present, making expression of emotions quite confusing particularly when emotions and emotional intelligence is modelled from caregivers who are both emotionally neglectful and emotionally abusive.

2. impact of emotional invalidation

The impact of emotional can be quite diverse. For some this can lead to low self esteem, low confidence and a lack of understanding about themselves. This behaviour is essentially mirrored from the caregiver who treated them with little value.

This can also manifest in some struggling to understand themselves and their feelings as they were never emotionally regulated or comforted by their parents, therefore coping mechanisms can vary from taking it out on themselves to projecting onto others and hurting them. Growing up with CEN, can also mean that there is a lack of trusting relationships, as their initial relationship was neglectful, the automatic thought is that all relationships might be neglectful and there is a need to fend for themselves.

Again, this can appear to be ‘normal’ in immigrant communities as priorities are placed on academic and financial wellbeing due to difficult experiences, however having emotional validation is even more important in migrant communities because children are growing up with two different cultures which brings about its own set of challenges. Having emotional support and validation allows children to explore both culture with more freedom.

3. lack of structure & routine

Another form of neglect can stem from a lack of structure and routine, this can be having inconsistent meal times, bed times, turning up to school late, or not going in it at all due to parents’ timetables. When children are developing they need strong boundaries to help them safely explore and learn, however when this is not present, they may grow up with a lack of discipline. This in turn can manifest in struggles to commit, complete or self discipline when growing older as it may be a unfamiliar skill to adults who have experienced CEN as children.

4. self blame

Dr. Jonice Webb refers to CEN as invisible and unmemorable, this means that adults who have experienced CEN as children often don’t understand why they may be experiencing emotional difficulties, struggles with committing and self discipline and this can lead to frustration and self blame. Often times, as there was no comforting or emotional regulation, as adults it might be easy to think that this is something that they deserved as child, or that they were a difficult child to love. This narrative can continue to adulthood and can show up in intimate relationships where someone might feel like they are not capable of being loved.

Research shows that South Asian populations tend to internalise their mental health as opposed to seeking help, this means often these voices are unheard and far too under-represented (Obilisundar-Delaney, 2016; Khan, 2017) . Growing up with difficult childhood often means that as adults some communities internalise all the negative experiences and carry around shame and self blame which can foster mental health challenges.

5. acceptance

One of the many ways to heal from CEN is to first acknowledge whether these experiences occurred, and if they did, how they affect you in today’s relationship with yourself and those around you. Noticing these habits or patterns can help you in healing. Accepting that this has happened and doing some inner child work might be helpful in nurturing and reparenting yourself to give yourself the boundaries, love, empathy and patience that you never received.

sources

https://drjonicewebb.com/

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-recognize-overcome-childhood-emotional-neglect-0218165

Khan, U. Muslim South Asian Women’s Experience of Medication for Mental Health Problems.

Obilisundar-Delaney, M. (2016). Effects of Acculturation Gap and Attachment Style on South Asian Adolescent Well-Being(Doctoral dissertation, Walden University).